By Marlo Heresco
Who the hell is Lindsay Lohan and why is she all over my screen? It’s a constant…a guarantee that at least a few times a month, something mindless and irrelevant about this chick will be splashed all over the media that directly offends my eyes. I seriously have no idea who this girl is. Does she sing? Does she dance? Does she act? Does she contribute to society or do anything productive besides draw negative ‘who gives a shit’ attention to herself? … and I’m not implying that negative attention is productive, btw.
How embarrassing for her to be ‘older’ and always in the limelight for the most hideous of accusations. She’s gotta be what, close to 40 by the looks of her? Seriously, who cares if she’s drunk or in rehab? I’ve known a few people during my lifetime who have been drunk and disorderly and have gone to rehab. None of them made front-page. WTF? Are people really this hard up for ‘news’ or does society just live to read about the demise of others around them? A way at self-inflating their own sad egos?
Unless you live under a rock…a really, really big rock…you are subliminally forced to know stupid things about stupid people. Has all of Hollywood gone mad? Headlines of secret babies. Infidelities. Drug and alcohol problems. Anger issues. Bitch-slapping each other during the holidays. Who takes time from their busy day to actually read this crap? What purpose can knowing these things really serve?
I write for a living so each morning of my life is spent catching up on real news. Issues like the current oil disaster or the public outcry for the Iranian woman being sentenced to a barbaric death by stoning. These are REAL issues that matter…not some psychedelic chick with a bad attitude that has the audacity to scribble ‘fuck you’ on the child-like Austin Powers nail polish of her salute finger during a recent court sentencing. Why use pencil Lindsay, so you can rub it off quickly in the event it gets discovered? For God’s sake, grow a pair! You’re going to jail because you earned the pass. Don’t try to play innocent by-stander like you were just some random person selected out of a lineup. This isn’t the airport! Get over yourself. Suck it up. You know how to stay out of jail? Stop doing stupid things! Gezzz, I don’t see rocket scientist anywhere in her future.
Once again, it’s the whole ‘not living under a large rock’ thing. I don’t intentionally seek out crap about any of these publicly troubled souls. Only recently did I find out little miss attitude is only 23. Well, no fricken’ wonder! That’s the age (after the tween/ teenage stage) when you really believe you know everything and anyone who disagrees with you can kiss you ass, or in her case, ‘fuck off’. There should be a new tab on every major website labeled ‘Celebrity Crap’. It simply cannot be labeled ‘Celebrity News’, it just cannot.
She’s a child. A baby, and a very immature one at that. I’m sick of looking at her over-dyed hair and sun-damaged freckled face. Stop dying your hair. Use sun block. Sit up straight and have some respect for gawd sake. You’re annoying the rest of us. Ninety days in jail simply isn’t enough. With her there, at least I know my eyes won’t be assaulted by her gloomy, boo hoo, ‘oh, poor me’ face shrunk into little ‘click me and read about what I’ve done now’ photo icons that litter my news feeds.
She’ll be in jail. Gone. Out of the limelight and I can begin to read the real Internet news in peace. However, I already know that someone will no doubt take her place with their own public stupidity, resulting in a new ‘click me’ icon. I really need to find a bigger rock!
